Real Love, is it an Illusion?

16 Apr

<p>I have always been asked and and for a long time wondered how to find that intimate love. The love of a life time.  One who would spend the rest of their life with me and accept me all while, also going to the ends of the earth for me.  This can be attained, however, you must first love your self. To achieve this high goal you must have achieved self love before you can be open to true love. This may not be the best way for you, but I found success, with this avenue of finding love.  I joined a dating website.  Specifically,  Plenty Of Fish. http://www.pof.com/  This gave me a range of dates.  I could figure out what I liked and didn’t like.  I had the supervision of a dear friend who was 60.  She held my hand in many ways as I explored the dating world.  I would first tell her all about the guy and she would give me her opinion. After I and my friend screened him, I would agree to meet him in a public place.  Always take your own car/ transportation. When at the date call your friend that is helping you, and give them a description of the persons car.  Always better to be safe than sorry.  I had guys hang up on me, stand me up, and make me feel not worthy, thank goodness for the support of my older friend. Each rejection made me stronger. The world did not end and I could see myself developing self confidence.

Love is a verb, you will not only feel it you will see it, hear it, and yes smell it.  you may ask smell it? yes smell it. If you like the body odder of your partner this means your immune systems matches and that you can make a healthier babies.  yes strange I know, however it’s a biological response.  If it’s true love he/she will find time for you. They should make a effort for you and vice versa.  There should be no waiting for days to hear from them.  The first time my friend met her husband she gave him her phone number.  He told her that he had no phone.  She simply said you will find away.  and guess what?  He bought him self a phone and called her the next day! this is what I mean by love is a verb. Actions speak louder than words. It will not always be easy, relationships take work and patience.  the best way to stay in love is act in love, meaning when married for 30 years in a non abusive relationship, you must act in love at times to keep the peace and regain your true love feelings. My mother told me there are actually times when she is so frustrated with my dad that it feels like hate. But as her anger subsides the love is there,and she can find a way to regain it. Again, Love is not always easy but it’s worth it.  It’s proven people live longer if they have good social relationships.

Intimacy Test

Can you show anything about yourself, including your deepest thoughts and feelings, without fear of rejection or misunderstanding? ________

Is the message of your relationship, “grow, expand, create, show, show?” Or is it, “hide, conceal, think only in certain ways, behave only in certain ways, feel only certain things?”

Grow___ Hide ___

Does this relationship offer both parties ideal growth? ___

Can you both develop into the greatest persons you can be? ___

Does your partner fully accept that you have thoughts, beliefs, preferences, and feelings that differ from his? ___

Does he respect those differences? ___

Does he cherish you despite them? ___

Does he accept your differences without trying to change you? ___

Do you want to accept that your partner has thoughts, beliefs, preferences, and feelings that differ from yours? ___

Can you respect those differences? ___

Can you cherish your partner despite them? ___

Can you accept them without trying to change them? ___

Michelle McMaster

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