Help me! How to tell People you Need Help, And keep Boundaries

Asking for the help from a friend, family, member, Or even co. worker, can be a daunting task. Being rejected In our time of need can feel so personal. Especially, If we have to somehow reveal our past to tell this person why we need their assistance.

I have found I had to understand, what I needed help with. This is problem. not knowing what needs improvement, or recognizing , our fears, or our poor actions is natural to do.  So when we have extreme moments of fear, anger, and yes sometimes even when we are happy. We must find a way to  recognize what needs tweaking. wright a list of your responsibilities, make specific categories to your life. Taking care of yourself, would be a wonderful start. we cant help anyone if we can’t help ourselves.

Examples for taking care of your self are as followed: taking medications, bathing, controlling your pain, and actions. Sadly, we can’t give the responsibility of controlling our actions away. a few other categories can be, Home Life, School Life, Church Life, and even intimate romantic Life. Add as many categories as possible. This will map life out, making your path clearer. When, looking over all of the responsibilities. See what you need help with.Which task are unbearable? Could the task be a two person job? . than, write next to each responsibility your name, or a name from the people in your support system that best can help. . when asking your support system of family friends and professionals if they can lighten the load. remember This saying, ” closed mouths don’t get fed”. This Is so true! No one can help if they don’t know, and sadly, assuming the people that truly love you should know, never works. However, what we can we do when The answer to our request is no? what happens if we get a negative response?

If the answer is no, we can not get mad. we need to expect this answer, and be prepared with a back up plan. An emergency for us, may not be an emergency for someone else! this person may have their own list, and worries. We can not expect help. However, asking for it is necessary to relive the stress that comes with the attack, and even just everyday life.

However, what can happen If we receive a negative response? recollect. walk away, and analyze the situation. Ask yourself: was this a product of bad timing? a good way to avoid a bad timing moment, remember, before asking for the favor, inquire If this person is able to talk right now or in a few minutes.Other questions can be helpful to ask this person, before the request is made. Why not ask, how has your day been? This may be helpful for us to not only see their mood, but additionally, its just plain curious behavior. Why should someone help us If we don’t show a willingness to help them. Asking thought full questions about others are important to the relationships in your support system and life. We have to not only understand them, But also, understand their boundaries too. Knowing our own boundaries are also essential.

Boundaries are needed when we go through such a trauma. list places, actions, situations, trigger objects, or even people we would like to stay clear from. First, see if avoiding this is necessary for your safety, or does this cause the feeling of being uncomfortable? Can you and your support system help work on slowly integrating this back into your life If this can not cause physical harm? Going out to the store should not be a problem for us. Of course, that dark ally in the bad side of town, were you hear gun shots daily.  is a situation that will put you at risk, Having a certain amount of fear is good. We know first hand how the world can be cruel. This Knowledge is necessary, however, won”t always prevent an another attack. we still have a 50/50 chance of being hurt again. Its a cruel statistic that survivors have a higher rate of being revictimized.  Why? Well, it may because of various reasons. However, for me I believe that my power was taken and the asshatts obviously could tell I was injured.

Because of the attack, I felt as if my power to say no was hindered. As a phlebotomist, traveling to various nursing homes, I had an elderly man give me a hug.  I was uncomfortable with this however froze.  He was only wearing his underwear. And sadly no, He was not suffering from senility, and was notorious for inappropriate behavior. At that moment I didn’t realize I had the power to say, “NO!”, to protect myself from unleashing flashbacks, and my triggering nature. my attackers took much of my strength to stand up for my personal space away. I didn’t say no I was just stunned, and thrown into a trigger moment. The lesson is to know your boundaries and don’t feel ashamed for your feelings! Practice saying no. we must be ready to make others aware of our boundaries and know them ourselves to avoid situations that could trigger us or even hut us again.

Know that personal time is important and your personal time is yours. Have this everyday even if its only for 15 minutes. Also boundaries such as, touching and hugging can be hard for us. Request a fist bump. It’s not as intrusive. this is not strange, feeling as if your personal bubble has grown larger. The boundaries you set should be unique to you. And knowing them will help you relive unwanted stress. Help others and Teach people how to treat you.

We don’t come with instruction manuals on our back. So how could people know if your boundaries were being crossed? In the military It took me a while to find my boundaries.  As a young, immature, soldier wanting to fit in the army. One could let their profession slip and say a dirty joke.  I would at times, add to the dirty joke or make one of my own. Professionalism in the work force is needed. One may not realize allowing, seemingly harmless raunchy jokes can lead to a false security and lead to inappropriate behaviors. An inappropriate joke could also offend others around me. People could over hear and technically they can form a complaint. In any work environment this can be legally sexual harassment. Morel to the story, stick to dad jokes, and stay away from raunchy behavior.

I had set only one boundary in the beginning. This boundary seemed an obvious one, I set a no touching rule. A back pat, to say good job was allowed, However never while I worked. I realized letting them say whatever, only encouraged unprofessional behavior, Sadly, a guy thought it was OK to grab my butt. He knew my rule. Tho, the crude jokes may have led him to believe this behavior at that time was OK. It was not my fault that he knowingly crossed a line into sexual assault by grabbing my butt. However, I do believe the situation could have been avoided If I added a few more boundaries to help us all stay more professional. I realized in the work place it’s better to have respect, and professionalism than to just be a comical person. I forgave this soldier and was able to save the friendship. however, setting strict boundaries, and sticking to them. became much more important to me as time went on.

Michelle McMaster

Purifing Yourself, a Cleansing Experiance.

When an attack happens the feeling of being dirty is hard to shake. And when you feel this way it’s hard to accept, and be nice to your self. In other words loving your self is not an option if your preoccupied with the feeling of being dirty. And Loving ones self is the only way you can start healing and become happy. you have to start small in your life.

This was weird but I found myself using sex as a way of getting the feeling of my attacker out of my body. meaning I would have sex so that I could in my mind replace that horrible experience. However no matter how many times I tried to use sex as a cleansing/ sick control experience. I would just feel worse about my self. I was not making true connections, I wasn’t ready for Love. I didn’t love myself.

After realizing this was not helping. I came up with my own cleansing experience.

I in my own special way I did a sort of baptism, you find your own special way! I would take a shower and pray to be cleansed. than clean my self from my head to toe. after a bit I would than dry off with a white bed sheet. Wrapping my self in the sheet I would lay in the sun ( sun light through the window). there I would pray and meditate some more, until I went to sleep. this made me feel better for a bit, however I had to do it a few times, and I’m sure I will do it again if times get hard. This was the healthier option to getting that dirty feeling off of me. I grew from a unhealthy way to a way that not only gets me closer to my god, but closer to loving my self. and that is priceless

Michelle McMaster

Real Love, is it an Illusion?

I have always been asked and and for a long time wondered how to find that intimate love. The love of a life time.  One who would spend the rest of their life with me and accept me.  This can be attained, however, you must first love yourself. To achieve this high relationship goal one must have achieved self love before one can be open to true love. This may not be the best way for you, but I found success, with this avenue of finding love, by joining a dating website.  Specifically,  Plenty Of Fish.

http://www.pof.com/  This gave me a range of dates. I also could figure out what I liked and didn’t like.  Having, the supervision of a dear friend who was 60.  She held my hand in many ways as my broken soul explored the dating world.

Please when dating in any situation Have a trusted friend who will know were and who you are with. I wouldfirst tell her all about the guy and she would give me her opinion. After I and my friend screened him, I would agree to meet him in a public place. Always take your own car/ transportation. This may sound like over kill, I would take pictures of the guy and his car. send updates to my friend, and trusted the gut feeling. if you get it trust it. Rejection, is not to be feared

Yes, I had guys hang up on me, stand me up, and make me feel not worthy, thank goodness for the support of my older friend. Each rejection made me stronger. The world did not end and I could see myself developing self confidence.

Love is a verb, you will not only feel it you will see it, hear it, and yes smell it.  you may ask smell it? yes smell it. If you like the body odder of your partner this means your immune systems matches and that you can make a healthier babies.  yes strange I know, however it’s a biological response. THAT’S SCIENCE SUCKAS  becides his stink, actions do speak louder.

If it’s true love he/she will find time for you. They should make a effort for you and vice versa.  There should be no waiting for days to hear from them.  The first time my friend met her husband she gave him her phone number.  He told her that he had no phone.  She simply said you will find away.  Guess what?  He bought him self a phone and called her the next day! this is what I mean by love is a verb. Actions speak louder than words. It will not always be easy, relationships take work and patience.

the best way to stay in love is act in love, meaning when married for 30 years in a non abusive relationship, you must act in love at times to keep the peace and regain your true love feelings. My mother told me there are actually times when she is so frustrated with my dad that it feels like hate. But as her anger subsides the love is there,and she can find a way to regain it. Again, Love is not always easy but it’s worth it.  It’s proven people live longer if they have good social relationships.

Intimacy Test

Can you show anything about yourself, including your deepest thoughts and feelings, without fear of rejection or misunderstanding? ________

Is the message of your relationship, “grow, expand, create, show, show?” Or is it, “hide, conceal, think only in certain ways, behave only in certain ways, feel only certain things?”

Grow___ Hide ___

Does this relationship offer both parties ideal growth? ___

Can you both develop into the greatest persons you can be? ___

Does your partner fully accept that you have thoughts, beliefs, preferences, and feelings that differ from his? ___

Does he respect those differences? ___

Does he cherish you despite them? ___

Does he accept your differences without trying to change you? ___

Do you want to accept that your partner has thoughts, beliefs, preferences, and feelings that differ from yours? ___

Can you respect those differences? ___

Can you cherish your partner despite them? ___

Can you accept them without trying to change them? ___

Michelle McMaster

A Twisted Mind. Through the Eyes of a Rapist.

It’s important to remember that these may help you, but they will not prevent all rapes. a rapist will target their victim, and in many cases no matter what the precautions are a rapist will find a way around it. It is never your fault! even if you did not follow theses suggestions. Rape is a premeditated crime. This means your trapped before you even know it.

Through a rapist’s eyes! A group of predatory rapists, in prison were interviewed. what they look for in a potential victim? Here are various answers given.

1] firstly, predators look for in a potential victim is hairstyle. They like to go after a victim wearing a ponytail, bun , braid or other hairstyle that can easily be grabbed. The predators are also likely to go after a woman with long hair. Women with short hair are not common targets.

2] secondly, predators look for, in a victim is clothing. They will look for clothing that is easy to remove quickly. Many of them carry scissors around to cut clothing.

3] Predators also look for victims using their cell phone, searching through their bags, or doing other activities while walking the potential victim is off guard and can be easily overpowered.

4] The number one place people are abducted from / attacked at is grocery store parking lots.

5] Number two are office parking lots/garages.

6] Number three are public restrooms.

7] The nature of the predators are that they are looking to grab a victim, and quickly move them to a second location. This is so, they don’t have to worry about getting caught.

8] If one puts up any kind of a fight at all, they may get discouraged because it only takes a minute or two for them to realize that going after you isn’t worth it because it will be time-consuming. If one can deter the attacker from taking them to a second location, do it!

9] These predators said they would not target victims who have umbrellas, or other similar objects that can be used from a distance, in their hands.

10] Keys are not a deterrent because you have to get really close to the attacker to use them as a weapon. So, the idea is to convince these predators you’re not worth it.

POINTS THAT WE SHOULD REMEMBER:

1] If someone is following behind you, on a street, in a garage, with you in an elevator or stairwell, look them in the face and ask them a question. Examples are: what time is it? Make general small talk: can’t believe it is so cold out here, we’re in for a bad winter. Now that you’ve seen their faces and could identify them in a line- up, you lose appeal as a target.

2] If someone is coming toward you, hold out your hands in front of you and yell Stop or Stay back! Most of the rapists this man talked to said they’d leave a woman alone if she yelled or showed that she would not be afraid to fight back. Again, they are looking for an EASY target.

3] If you carry a taser. Holding it out and using it can be a deterrent. however, if they are wearing thicker clothes. The tasers may not be strong enough.

4] If someone grabs the waist, and one can’t beat them with strength, we can do it by outsmarting them. If the waistline is grabbed, pinch the predator either under the arm between the elbow, and armpit or in the upper inner thigh – HARD! A woman in a situation used the groin pinch on a predator who was trying to rape her. He was so upset she broke through the skin and tore out muscle strands the guy needed stitches. Try pinching yourself in those places as hard as you can stand it; it really hurts.

5] After the initial hit to the throat always go for the groin. You might think that you’ll anger the guy and make him want to hurt you more, but the thing these rapists told our instructor is that they want a woman who will not cause him a lot of
trouble. Start causing trouble, and he’s out of there.

6] When the guy puts his hands up to you, grab his first two fingers and bend them back as far as possible with as much pressure pushing down on them as possible. The instructor did it to me without using much pressure, and I ended up on my knees and both knuckles cracked
audibly.

7] Of course the things we always hear still apply. Always be aware of your surroundings, take someone with you if you can and if you see any odd behavior, don’t dismiss it, and go with your instincts. You may feel little silly at the time, but you’d feel much worse if the person really was trouble.

Here are some more tips: remember rape is about control and is never your fault!

1. Tip from My Army Training: The elbow is the strongest point on your body. If you are close enough to use it, do it.

2. Learned this from a tourist guide to New Orleans: if a robber asks for your wallet and/or purse, DO NOT HAND IT TO HIM. Toss it away from you…. chances are that he is more interested in your wallet and/or purse than you and he will go for the wallet/purse. RUN LIKE MAD IN THE OTHER DIRECTION!

3. If you are ever thrown into the trunk of a car: Kick out the back tail lights and stick your arm out the hole and start waving like crazy. The driver won’t see you but everybody else will. This has saved lives.

4. Women have a tendency to get into their cars after shopping, eating, working, etc., and just sit (doing their checkbook, or making a list, etc. DON’T DO THIS! The predator will be watching you, and this is the perfect opportunity for him to get in on the passenger side, put a gun to your head, and tell you where to go. AS SOON AS YOU CLOSE the DOORS, LEAVE!

A few notes about getting into your car in a parking lot, or parking garage:

a. Be aware: look around your car as someone may be hiding at the passenger side, peek into your car, inside the passenger side floor, and in the back seat. (DO THIS TOO BEFORE RIDING A TAXI CAB).

b. If you are parked next to a big van, enter your car from the passenger door. Most predators attack their victims by pulling them into their vans while the women are attempting to get into their cars.

c. Look at the car parked on the driver’s side of your vehicle, and the passenger side. If a Suspicious person is sitting alone in the seat nearest your car, you may want to walk back into the mall, or work, and get a guard /policeman to walk you back out. IT IS ALWAYS BETTER TO BE SAFE THAN SORRY. (And better paranoid than dead.)

6. ALWAYS take the elevator instead of the stairs. (Stairwells are horrible places to be alone and the perfect crime spot).

7. If the predator has a gun and you are not under his control, ALWAYS RUN! The predator will only hit you (a running target) 4 in 100 times; and even then, it most likely WILL NOT be a vital organ. RUN!

Yes, this is twisted. Those narcissistic people think this way. However, they do. Remember, this is a premeditated crime. If you can’t avoid the attacker. Its fully understood!

Polls of Questions We all Want Answered.

Your answer to these questions will help so many!
Michelle McMaster

Emotions that don’t make Sense! The Symptoms after an Attack.

There are Physical and mental symptoms one may go through, and not everyone experiences all the symptoms.

Physical symptoms may include sharp pains in the stomach that move all around the abdomen. PTSD can also cause constipation, or even diarrhea. Stress can cause the immune system to weaken, and the heart to work harder. this can cause High blood pressure. staying relaxed and reducing stress is just healthy for anyone, no matter what one’s mental condition is.
Mental Symptoms can be categorized in three groups. re-experience, avoidance, and Hyper arousal. All three can come and go and can happen at any stage of healing.
Re-experiencing symptoms are the feelings of flashbacks, frightening thoughts, and bad dreams and flashbacks. all these can make one feel as if they are going through the attack again. Flashbacks can be so severe that you may smell, feel, taste, or even hear things that remind the survivor of the attack. They can be vary disturbing. With time it’s not as scary and can eventually, be a worthless thought.
Frightening thoughts are scary yet not as severe as flashbacks. again with time they become less scary.
Bad Dreams can be vary real and frightening.

I usually required a friend or family member to calm me down. However before I would go back and redo the dream. Have it going your way. this is mostly so you can learn that you can change your dreams to your advantage. it takes practice, but can be done.
These symptoms can be treated and eventually in a way cured! Never forgotten but less scary. Never give up that hope, or you are defeated already! And be kind to your self I had to realize it’s one step forward two steps back. the trick is pushing forward again. Drive on!

Michelle McMaster

Who are your safe people?

Mind Body Soul: Survivor

Yes, It’s hard knowing who is safe. This takes time to know someone, and even if we think we know them they may not have the best intentions. Just like you, others are good at hiding their true self. So how do you know if they are safe?

Safe people are the ones that bring you up. complement you, encourage you to do what is right. People who won’t let you say anything negative about your self. These are your best cheerleaders!

Another sign of a safe person is that they tell us the truth kindly, and in a way we understand.

We may not have many good friends; they are hard to come by. However, they are out there, and one way to get them is to be a good friend your self. Be someone’s best cheerleader, and you can build each other up. Remember family is for life…

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Self Affirmations Not self-defeating. Do it right!

It’s strange how self affirmations work.  at first you may not believe them, which in turns can become a negative.  It may remind your self that you don’t feel that way. It’s strange, however, natural to feel this way.  “Why does praise make me feel worse?” this is because in your heart of hearts you don’t believe it.

In my elementary school, I remember going to the school counselor and she made me hold Q bear. This was a stuff bear with the letter Q stitched on him.  Don’t ask me what it stood for. However, she made me repeat  “You are special and important. I was not ready at that time to hear that.  so all it did was made me feel worse. Why? didn’t I accept this cookie cutter Affirmation? As you have answered yourself. I didn’t believe it. Now, if she knew me she would have had me repeat. “You are creative, a protector of the less fortune, you’re a good friend.  I could have believed that, and like a seed  let it grow into the idea of being special and important.   When you make your affirmations believe  them. Know it!.  Post it anywhere and everywhere.  Make a mantra and love it, because it’s special to you!

One fun way of making and affirmation come true is make it a login password along with a number,  some days you’ll feel it and some days you won’t however with the repeated repetition you will believe it! if not change it. Never have a password that brings up bad feelings. Just a tip.

 

“The greatness of a man is not in how much wealth he acquires, but in his integrity and his ability to affect those around him positively. =Bob Marley

“In life, finding a voice is speaking and living the truth.  Each of you is an original.  Each of you has a distinctive voice.  When you find it, your story will be told.  You will be heard.”   ―     John Grisham

For every minute you stay angry, you give up sixty seconds of peace of  mind.

–‘Ralph Waldo Emerson

It is not length of life, but depth of life.

—  Ralph  Waldo Emerson

Michelle McMaster

Be a Survivor not a victim!

A victim is that person who has been in a position from where survival became impossible under the trap, whereas survivor is that person WHO MADE IT THROUGH THAT TOUGH TIME AND STILL STANDING HERE TALL WITH US. Most of us have come down in positions of life where we felt like something is dragging us at our past and never letting us walk away, but in reality with every step you walking far away from that heart breaking moment in your life that nearly shook you to all extents. Getting bullied in school , facing an tremendous disastrous accident or being abused/ raped all these incidents generally which can be classified under PTSD , always have chances to make you feel like a victim. You might spend hours asking yourself why always me. You might spend your days hiding yourself or isolating your beautiful soul away from this world. But you forget 1 small thing at least you hear today with us which makes you a person who ” SURVIVED AND WON THE BATTLE”

Remember it always that you still have a chance , you still have a chance to see a better sunrise tomorrow, you still have a chance to see another solar eclipse you still have a chance to get the man/woman of your life and spend your life with him/her, Nothing is lost its all there with you these all are the smallest gifts that life has given you to be a ” SURVIVOR INSTEAD OF BEING A VICTIM” think about those for a moment who has lost their lives in a brutal war, think about those who got bullied and ended their lives they can be said the ones who are victims because they missed the CHANCE TO LIVE THAT YOU STILL HAVE IN YOUR HANDS. they missed the chance TO DECORATE THEIR LIVES THE WAY THEY WANTED IT TO BE. Maybe you have faced a set back i agree maybe tough bullying have made you lose your self esteem maybe a abuse has made you feel like you can never be with someone, but you have never lost the chance to step back and make it better 🙂 The future remains unknown forever but atleast when there is hope there is a win for sure 🙂

YOU ARE NEVER EVER A VICTIM. think about it for ones , has anything in life stopped forever?? you still LAUGH WHEN SOMEONE CRACKS A JOKE , YOU STILL TAKE A BREATH WHEN YOU SEE YOUR CRUSH, YOU STILL SMILE LICKING YOUR FAVORITE ICE CREAM, YOU STILL DROP A TEAR FROM YOUR EYES WHEN YOU HEAR A BAD NEWS, YOU STILL FEEL LIKE YOUR FEET SHOULD DANCE IN THE MUSIC, YOU STILL LOVE SEEING YOUR TEAM WIN, YOU STILL LOVE TO SNUGGLE AND SLEEP WITH YOUR LOVE. SO HAS ANYTHING ACTUALLY CHANGED IN YOUR LIFE ?? THAT YOU HAVE TO CONSIDER YOURSELF AS A VICTIM??

yes maybe you lost a part of your self confidence, yes maybe you start panicking a bit now maybe you are bit afraid now of new situations but believe me the MAJOR PART OF YOUR LIFE IS STILL THE WAY IT SHOULD HAVE BEEN.

NOTHING HAS CHANGED , WHAT HAS CHANGED IS ONLY YOUR PERCEPTION ON YOURSELF IN WHICH NOW YOU DONT WANT TO RESPECT AND LOVE YOURSELF WHEN YOU COMPLETELY DESERVE TO DO IT 🙂 YOU DESERVE TO SOMEDAY STAND IN FRONT OF THE MIRROR AND SALUTE THE PERSON YOU SEE THERE BECAUSE THAT PERSON HAS WALKED THROUGH THE VALLEYS OF DEAD WITHOUT BEING SCARED EVEN FOR A SECOND .

WE all have some stories inside my dear friends which is a source of inspiration to others that is why you are not a victim, but a influential person who has influenced many to stay alive and be courageous to speak out. be proud of yourself to be a survivor a proud survivor.

Victor

@%#& it Happened! What to Do and Expect.

What is rape? And what to expect at the hospital, from your local law enforcement, and the court proceedings. I understand all you want to do is get clean! However, wait until you go through hospital procedures. Keep cloths, and any evidence the police may need.

Definitions of rape:

Although the legal definition of rape varies from state to state, rape is generally defined as forced or non consensual sexual intercourse. Rape most often is accomplished by fear, threats of harm, and/or actual physical force. Rape may also include situations where penetration is accomplished when the victim is unable to give consent, or is prevented from resisting, due to being intoxicated, drugged, unconscious, or asleep.

Sexual assault is a broader term than rape. It includes various types of unwanted sexual touching or penetration without consent, such as forced sodomy (anal intercourse), forced oral copulation (oral-genital contact), rape by a foreign object (including a finger), and sexual battery (the unwanted touching of an intimate part of another person for the purpose of sexual arousal).

The term “drug-facilitated sexual assault” is generally used to define situations where victims are subjected to nonconsensual sexual acts while they are incapacitated or unconscious because of alcohol and/or other drugs and are therefore, prevented from resisting and/or are able to give consent. Myth: the body is so traumatized that you are unable to conceive a baby. Not True!

At the Hospital

What to expect at the hospital:

1. A sex assault patient may have to wait a long period to be seen if there are other patients with life threatening injuries. The hospital should give a private waiting area to protect anonymity.
2. Hospitals may notify law enforcement when a sex assault patient arrives in the emergency department. The patient has the right to refuse to speak with law enforcement.
3. If the assault has occurred within the last 72 hours, a forensic exam (a.k.a. the rape kit) will be performed to collect evidence. While 72 hours is a guideline for the forensic exam, that time maybe extended depending on the circumstances. The responding officer needs to talk to the patient to authorize the forensic exam and to file a report. However, the patient may decide later not to press charges.
4. The patient’s written consent is needed in order for the forensic exam to be completed. The exam should be explained to the patient before written consent. The patient can refuse any single or multiple steps of the exam even after written consent has been given.
5. In addition to the evidence collection, injuries will be treated and STD and pregnancy preventive medications may be offered.
6. It may be helpful for the patient to have a friend or family member there for support.
7. Be prepared to give your clothing to local law enforcement, Hospitals may have clothing however, try to bring your Own.

THE POLICE INVESTIGATION

What to expect with the police investigation:

If a victim chooses to report to law enforcement s/he might be interviewed several times throughout the investigation.

Law enforcement will ask many questions, some of which may seem intrusive and/or embarrassing. This information is necessary for the investigation. If the victim does not understand the relevance of a question, it is acceptable to ask the officer for further explanation.

It is important to know that the offender may not be arrested even though the crime has been reported.

If there are any cuts or bruises as a result of the assault, the police may ask that pictures be taken. Because physical injuries may heal quickly, pictures can be important evidence for the prosecution if the case goes to trial.

Law enforcement may have to collect evidence from the crime scene so it’s important not to disturb the area.

The victim may be asked to name the offender through a photo or live line-up. The victim will not be seen by the offender during this process.

It may take weeks or months for law enforcement to investigate a case and to decide whether an arrest will be made.

When law enforcement completes the investigation, the case is presented to the District Attorney’s office. The District Attorney determines if there is a reasonable likelihood of conviction. Unfortunately, many sex assault cases, especially ones in which the victim knows the offender or drugs and alcohol are involved, are difficult to prosecute. Lack of prosecution does not imply that the District Attorney does not believe the victim.

THE PROSECUTION PROCESS

What to expect with the prosecution process:

If the District Attorney accepts the case, the state is the prosecuting party. The victim is considered a witness for the case. The prosecuting attorney makes all critical decisions about the case but typically consults with the victim.

An advocate with the District Attorney’s office is assigned to the case. The advocate helps explain the legal process and is the main point of contact between the victim and the prosecuting attorney.

Once charges are filed, the defendant is advised of them and the preliminary hearing is scheduled.

During the preliminary hearing the Judge decides if there is probable cause. Probable cause indicates that enough facts exist to prove the defendant committed the crime. The victim may have to testify at the preliminary hearing. If the Judge finds probable cause, the defendant will be scheduled for an arraignment. If a not guilty plea is entered at the arraignment, a trial date will be set. If a guilty plea is entered, a sentencing date will be set.

Not every case results in a trial. Instead, a plea bargain is sometimes offered to the defendant. A plea bargain is an offer for the defendant to plead guilty to a lesser charge. This offer is a means by which a defendant is convicted and punished, without having to go to trial.

If a defendant refuses a plea bargain, a trial by jury will follow. Once the jury is selected and sworn in by the Judge, the prosecution and the defense present their case. The victim will most likely have to testify at the trial. After all evidence has been presented, the Judge will read instructions to the jury. These instructions contain the laws the jurors must follow when deciding whether to convict the defendant.

If the defendant is found not guilty, the defendant is released and the case is dismissed. If the defendant is found guilty, then a sentencing date is set. At sentencing, the Judge will impose a penalty on the defendant. The victim will have an opportunity to tell the Judge, either verbally or in writing, how the crime has affected his/her life.

Note: the decision about whether to continue to prosecute is made several times during the progression of the case. There are many factors the prosecuting attorney takes into consideration, such as: whether there is enough evidence to convict, the probability of conviction, the nature of the crime, and the character of the offender.

Preparing for court

Look after yourself

Eat well and get enough rest. Plan something special for when the trial is over, whatever the outcome.

What to wear and what to bring

• It’s best to wear conservative clothes in court-something neat and businesslike (it doesn’t have to be a suit). Make sure though that whatever you wear is comfortable, as you will probably be sitting for most of the day.
• Wear comfortable shoes.
• Bring a jacket; courtrooms can be cold.
• Get your clothes ready the night before so you don’t have to worry about it on the day.

Some people bring refreshments, or books, magazines, crosswords or cards and you may like to bring an object that means something special to you. You may find it helpful to visit a courthouse before the case so you can familiarize yourself with it.

Your statement

Make sure you have a copy of the statement you made to police. It’s your right to be given a copy. If you don’t have a copy, ask the police or the prosecutor for one. Read over your statement before you go to court to refresh your memory-it may be a long time since you last read it. The prosecutor will probably want to talk to you about your statement before going into court. When you are in court you normally won’t be allowed to read from your written statement, although in some circumstances you may be asked to refer to it.

Interpreters in court

You have a right to an interpreter if English is not your first language. You can ask for a woman interpreter, though a woman may not always be available. If you are going to need an interpreter, let the DPP or police officer know well in advance so they can make sure that one is available on the day of the hearing. The courts use professional, qualified interpreters provided by the NSW Community Relations Commission. They are not allowed to talk to others about the case unless the court requires them to do so and have to take an oath promising to properly interpret what is said. Generally, courts don’t allow friends or relatives to act as interpreters during a hearing, except to pass on simple information when no other interpreter is available. The interpreter is there to interpret your words, not to give advice or tell you how to present your evidence. If you are deaf or hard of hearing you have the right to have a signer in court, or to have access to a hearing loop.

If you have a disabilityIf you have a disability such as a speech impediment that makes communication difficult, you are entitled to an interpreter in court. The courts may also use computers or amplifiers to help you understand what’s going on or to give evidence. The court pays the costs for these services.

Waiting to go to court One of the most frustrating and anxiety-provoking things about going to court can be waiting for your case to be heard. The courts have a heavy workload, and it may take months. Most cases do go ahead on the scheduled hearing day, but they don’t always. Sometimes the day arrives and the hearing is cancelled-because, such as, a witness, the judge or the defendant is ill. Or the court may just run out of time to hear your case on that day. Expect cancellations, adjournments and delays-but also be ready to go to court on the set date and give your evidence.

One out of every for women have been raped, and one out of every six men have been raped in the USA and the successful conviction rate is only 11%. try not to rehash it if it does not work out sometimes there is just lack of evidence or in my opinion a bias society. Never stop getting help until it works! ❤

Michelle McMaster

When is it time to Leave Poisoned people?

Poisoned People can suck the life out of one self. If you Think Low of yourself than, most likely one has these people in their life.

It’s strange how we can attract them, may feel as if they are all around. One reason is that people tend to believe you, if you criticize your self openly. NEVER criticize yourself, admit being wrong however to belittle oneself? Beleive me you can have a line of people that will do that for you! Dont do it yourself.

Secondly, subconsciously we don’t like to be around people who disagree with our views of our self. No one likes to be told they are wrong even if that person says they are beautiful. Don’t disagree with a complement take it! thank them don’t correct or they may stop praise. I need it! you need it! we all need it! Praise can direct ones life, to achieve greatness. Poisend people can be made by one’s attitude of one self, but most likely they are just that way and if you whant to succsed separation is needed. I understand family is hard to separate from. Those people deserve a chance to redeem them selfs. For mental health reasons we must set boundaries. And give fair warnings. We need family and friends to be positive people in ones life.

Correct behaviors with positive reinforcement. Harshness can’t be fought with harshness. Thank them often.

Show how you want to be treated by treating others this way. Yes it’s the golden rule people! We need to teach others our boundaries, at the Same time using tact and respect.

However, if the behavior continues drift away keep phone contact if they are family, if at all possible, but drift away. No one deserves mental abuse or physical abuse. No matter what your self image is.

Hang around people you want to be like. emulate them. how do they see themselves? how do they talk about themselves? your worth loving! and if one has to hit or degrade you, they don’t love you.

SIGNS THAT YOU’RE IN AN ABUSIVE RELATIONSHIP
Your Inner Thoughts and Feelings Do you:

* Feel afraid of your partner much of the time? …

* Avoid certain topics out of fear of angering your partner?

* Feel that you can’t do anything right for your partner?

* Believe that you deserve to be hurt or mistreated?

* Wonder if you’re the one who’s crazy?

* Feel emotionally numb or helpless?
Your Partner’s Belittling Behavior: Does your partner?

* Humiliate or yell at you?

* Criticize you and put you down?

* Treat you so badly that you’re embarrassed for your friends and family to see?

* Ignore or put down your opinions or accomplishments?

* Blame you for his own abusive behavior?

* See you as property or a sex object rather than as a person?
Your Partner’s Violent Behaviour or Threats Does your partner:

* Have a bad and unpredictable temper?

* Hurt you or threaten to hurt or kill you?

* Threaten to take your children away or harm them?

* Threaten to commit suicide if you leave?

* Force you to have sex?

* Destroy your belongings?
Your Partner’s Controlling Behaviour Does your partner:

* Act excessively jealous and possessive?

* Control where you go or what you do?

* Keep you from seeing your friends or family?

* Limit your access to money, the phone, or the car?

* Constantly check up on you?

These are all signs of poised people. RUN! do not look back, because if you do you may get lost or worse you might bump into something” It’s ok to RUN THE OTHER DIRECTION!

Michelle McMaster

First Radio Show!

Mind Body Soul: Survivor (Interview) <—- Interview

Look for Mind Body Soul: Survivor we will have more to come!

Kicking Ass and Taking Names!

Taking self defense classes can instill a survivor with more power. Remember, the more one practices the defences moves, the more likely a defense move will work. Practice a move 1,000 times and then a thousand more. See what happens then.

Judo Is my favorite form of martial arts. it’s all about joint manipulation, and braking. This is the most effective training to win a life or death situation. In the army our hand to hand combat was judo based.
Yell Fire! not help, or police. People will look faster for a fire. Sadly, Help and police (mostly police) do not work as well. Yelling police actualy may, in the mind a potetential good semariten, put the responsibilty of helping on to the police. People may think

“thats not me! The call is for the police.”, So yelling fire in all reality will get you a quicker response.

People always what to look for a fire. they may even bring marshmallows.
Be careful using pepper spray the wind may change and effect you, rather than your assailant. when using pepper spray, spray and run the opposite direction.
tazers are not usually the most effective, because you must get close, and that may leave you open. the sound of the tazer could be a good warning, like a rattle snakes rattle, however the tazer might not be strong enough, or you may just have to get too close to your assailant.

My favorite non- Deadly weapon? The retractable metal batton. Why? Because the far reaching potential.

if you do decide to own a weapon. For the home I like my shot gun. nothing says I mean NO! like a click! click!

In an attack. always keep your elbows in and your hands blocking your face and body. or keep your chin down to prevent a choke hold. use the strength of your legs, push up with your hips, to get him off balance, and roll over – then slap the groin & run! like I said taking classes will help you hone your skills.
Sherri B. Walsh Local prosecutor. told us about her experience, she was attacked at her car by a serial rapist, she was #11 of 13, and she screamed LOUD! She kept fighting, screaming, wiggling out of his hold, and was able to brake loose and run. She said “always-always-keep screaming, keep fighting, don’t let them take you anywhere, and avoid their vehicle. Rapist want an easy prey.”, This is true in many cases. these people are cowards!
if someone grabs you, grab their fingers, twist around, lock the joints of their arm, and you can push them away, push them into a wall & run! again joining a class will help you clean your skills and regain your power!

Michelle McMaster

Agoraphobia break through break out!

When your own four walls become your only salvation.  the thought of going out the house creates anxiety and so much fear that the prospect of leading a normal life in the real world becomes a distant dream.

I remember feeling my attacker was always close. Even if this was far from the truth. Or a more realistic senario a new attacker could be lurking at any cornor.

And a question would ring in my ears. Could people really tell from my face that something was wong? As if, the rape changed my face and I wouldn’t beable to hide my broken heart from evryone. There is hope!

I was able to develope the fortitude to face my fears. Don’t get me wrong it was scary and hard, however, I developed my own plan. Modify  your’s to fit you.

a support system is so important in healing no one should go through this alone! Find doctors family and friends.    with my patient mother and father’s help,  I would push my self first ride in the car with a fave mix tape that plays only music that makes me smile.  after I was able to deal with that, I would try to spend a half hour someware I used to love.  than go to the car if the fear is too much. Slowly the half hour turned into hour than more.

don’t be hard on your self this is a process that takes time.  the next time go out ( with your support system) and stay out longer.  keep in the car comfort items that calm and make you happy.  Examples may be: Good mixed tape, pic’s of the one’s you love and admire, inspirational quotes, blankets, aroma tharapy oils, any tactic that you can come up with that can help if you feel grounded.  Wash your face with cold water and face the situation again.

I promise if you keep facing your fears the monster of anxiety will go down.  One step forward two steps back. However always forward.

it’s good to have a healthy fear of the world because you do have to protect one self but your fears should never stop you from enjoying Life.

 

Mind, Body, Soul, Meditation

http://youtu.be/Tu-qZugHXfc

let your mind drift off to some soothing sounds! The world is 10% of what happens to you and 90% of how you deal with it.  keep strong and learn how to be vonorable again so you can always experience LOVE.  In my darkest times when I had love I was able to recover quicker.  when in love I would dress better keep my self up, and I was more content. when you let your mind drift think of the ones that you love.  who pulls you up when you are down? as you drift through your subconsciousness remember smiling faces warm embraces and all of the important influences to you. never for get the good times.  I was told by a wise man that life was about collecting good memories.  and remember them at your darkest time.

Meditation is a discipline of the mind that involves concentration. This improves your mind set. If done right ailments such as high blood pressure, anxiety, even pain can be helped or even cured. If this is practiced right you can do amazing feats to improve your life. Masters of this craft have used it to slow there hart rate, withstand cold, hunger, and just life. Some believe in astro-planning. this is a way of visiting people through your thoughts. Visiting places you have nave seen, or would love to go again. these are peaceful journeys we can take in our minds to escape. However you do it, what ever you do it for, the basic Idea is to relax and close your eyes and while controlling your breathing let go of you body, and mind. with practice, it becomes easier.

You Are Courageous!

Every survivor is courageous, and every day they improve themselves they are showing strength. When a rape occurs it will rip away one’s confidence, stunt  growth and send us back to infancy. This horrific experience will take time to recover from. We have to heal on our own time line. It takes time to feel normal. One step forward two steps back. Be kind to one’s self for setbacks.  However, keep pushing forward steady is the journey. You are precious you are important and you are courageous. print this out and write your answers in the blank. Knowing what makes a hero is the first step to becoming your own hero!

Courage is______________________________________________________________

My heroes and heroines are________________________________________________

What makes them my hero?________________________________________________

How can I be like my heroes?________________________________________________

How am I like my hero’s?____________________________________________________

Attacking your panic attacks, before your panic attacks you.

Your heart beats out of control or you feel like jumping out of your skin. The fear can be paralyzing. Panic attacks and anxiety can pop up at anytime throughout the day. Being triggered can be so easy. And it’s hard not to be triggered when you wound is still fresh. Do you have a plan when a panic attack occurs? Answer these questions and feel free to share your answers it may help someone.
1. When I feel anxious I usually__________________________________
2. Right before I have an anxiety attack I notice______________________
3. What triggers me?___________________________________________
4. How can I calm myself down during a panic attack?________________
5. What won’t you do?_________________________________________

Having a plan will make you more prepared for the obstacle of a panic attack, and with your plan you will concur you fear and anxiety! this task is hard to master but you can do this shit! you must feel the anxiety recognize it and calm your self down with breathing and grounding skills.
Long breaths in and out will help control your heart rate, while feeling something cold can put you in the present. remember to breath, concentrate on the panic and feeling it and getting used to it while visualizing your self as strong and reminding your self your safe. observe your anxiety recognize were it comes from. And beat the shit out of it in your head visualize your self having a battle were you will always win. practice this exercise before you go out into the world. this will help make this skill second nature. soon with practice you will be able to attack your panic attacks.

Victory Party

Victory parties are a great way to lessen the blow of the day you were attacked. The day that you were attacked can stay in your mind forever, but all that matters is that you have survived another year and are getting healthier by the day! try not to put so much importance on dates. Forget them if you can. However, if you can’t, throw a victory party.
a victory party is a celebration of life with your close friends and family. I’m lucky enough to have it fall on Halloween and mothers day. Having a celebration and hanging out with friends help keep my mind at ease on those dates. Have a victory party on your day. Invite friends and family over and just enjoy life and their company. They don’t even have to know why your celebrating. Make it your own holiday. the screw you and your little dog too day! LOL make it a positive day.

Michelle McMaster

Learn to live!

Controlling your thoughts are the best skill to learn to make you happy!

have you ever wondered why your life is so bad? This may be hard to swallow but you may have attracted it. I’m not saying that what people do to you is your fault or that you deserve negative treatment. I’m just saying negative energy attracts negative energy and positive thoughts create positive actions. This is a vary uplifting powerful Movie!

this is the second chapter to the secret. this will explain more and involve all religions in a way that is uplifting and educational.

This wonderful clip shows the power of thought! How powerful we all can be, with in our mind. this explains more about how thought can change matter out side your brain. your thought effect more than you know. so try to keep them positive.

Michelle McMaster

Give yourself time to Grieve

You must give yourself time to grieve . Why not? You did just die a little . When you, as a survivor hear this. Understand, do not be triggered. Have relief in knowing, I may never be myself but I can recreate my life.

There is a part of one self that will never come back . Your rose colored glasses have been removed , And you’re left with a dirty pair of glasses . It’s up to you to clean them off , And get a good look at life . It’s OK to feel horrible , Something horrible just happened . No one should expect you to feel any certain way. This is your time to grieve .

Take time with your grief and be kind to your self. Stages of grief can look like this Denial, anger bargaining, depression, acceptance.

Denial,is the stage that you are numb. It’s hard to feel anything. love or anger it’s just a feeling of indifference. Many can misconstrued this. Thinking all is fine. But, as we all know it’s not. It’s good to feel again. love is worth it. I promise denial is a sad and lonely place. something happened your not O.K. with. Feel it and move on to Anger.
Anger is like a heavy metal band raging in you mind at all times. exciting yes but we can become hurtful to those around us. How could we not? We have just drugged through denial ware we ignored feelings, and became a doormat to our indifference. Now we have this huge feeling of anger.

This this can actually be a good sign and a step in the right direction. Anger can be good. put it to use and speak out! and don’t stop until you have no shame. How can we control anger? Look up Blessing box in this Blog. There are many ways. what was effective for me were Self defense classes. Not only did I gain self confidence I learned control.

If you for got….   It was not your fault

After anger we can get a feeling of guilt. Again, give your self time to adjust. You did nothing wrong! Stop second guessing yourself . Because, this was a premeditated crime. all about control by the attacker. Take it back! by learning your boundaries, and become the person you need to be. After hard work I have found a deep wisdom in my own tragedy.

Depression this is when we feel the pain. It may not happen for 1-100 years. You can truly learn your self here and through your depression you can recreate your self. this is a normal reaction to an abnormal and horrible situation, of course you are sad. This may be strange , But this worked for me when I had no place to cry .

Go to a graveyard, pick a quiet spot , And mourn your loss . No one will question your tears. Try to avoid graveyards were your loved ones are buried. This is your time for you , And no one else . When you’re in the graveyard realize this. You’re alive ! A part of you has died, but You are still alive . You still have control over your own destiny. There’s still hope for a brighter future for you .

If at any time the graveyard makes you feel worse. Please leave. This may not work for everyone, because everyone is different. morn and morn some more. but again grow and learn to live through love of your self.

Acceptance is the last stage, and you may get there more than once. It’s O.K.  one step forward two steps back. Always push forward. you will get to your goal of living, also there begins room in your heart for hope to live well. That hope grows with time and as you strive to get better you will pick up and learn techniques to be happy. It’s hard work but it’s the best work you’ll ever do!

Michelle McMaster

Say It! Naming the abuser

This task may be hard for us to do, but this can be healing. By naming your abuser you can free yourself just a little. Let go of some fear just a little. Maybe the name has never been named out loud. This is not Harry Potter (the fictional children’s book) That person or people can not sence you. let your one who shall not be named, be named. This is your chance call them out and tell them off! this is your chance to say what you feel. with all your might scream your insults! Find a safe place to do this like an empty house, or a car. you are now in power, and no one will steal your voice there. Maybe throw Ice. I love how it smashes and it’s easy clean up. this is what I yelled:

The name’s of my abusers are Eric, Eric, and Lisa I’ve had years of healing, and I have become a better person in spite of the hell you all put me through. I will not let your names have a hold of me any longer. Dam you bastards for terrorizing me! you are all so sick and sad. I piss on you and your little dog too!

Michelle McMaster

Being on red alert

When you’re on red alert your brain feels as if it’s going hay wire. Thoughts, nightmares and low energy may inundate,and overwhelm you at this time. this is like having your coolant drain from your race car and you’ve just got done driving in the Indianapolis 500. Your on red alert, and it’s time to take a brake, assess the damage and work on healing. If you broke a leg no one should expect you to walk on it 10min’s after. this maybe harder for men to do, However it’s a huge task for anyone! This must be done to ensure the health, and well being of you and yours.

to help you out wright down some responsibilities that you have,
Work, financial, friends family home, parenting,myself, partner, and community. Now, be specific about each task in each category
Example: Self: brush teeth. Than rate these responsibilities and figure out what is truly important,
Example: Once a week whether I need it or not. lol
Also ask, Who can I delegate some of my responsibilities to in my time of recovery? Many survivors feel a overblown sense of responsibility. And over loading yourself is never good. Take a brake, and see if you can’t delegate more in your life, supervise some aspects so that you can concentrate on the difficult task of healing.

Michelle McMaster

Find a good Counselor Who…..

Find a good Counselor Who…..

1.Believes you
2.does not want a friendship out side of therapy.
3.Doesn’t push forgiveness or recollection.
4.keeps focus on you not the abuser.
5.never minimized your pain.
6.Has or willing to get info for your healing.
7.do they talk about there own problems?
8.respects your feelings
9.encourages contact with other survivors
10.doesn’t for you to do anything you don’t want you to do.
11.teaches you skills.
12.willing to discus all problems.
13. Has you develop a plan for healing
So, I ask you, what kind of consular helped you and what did not help? wright out all the qualities you are looking for. I know one asked me why didn’t you call the cops? I didn’t have an answer. All I could think was why did I forget to do that? And those unhealthy thoughts were not helpful. But another was able to weave my spirituality in my healing process, and that helped so much. One may have to interview many consulars. Do not give up! Keep searching and find someone you can connect with. They will help you, help yourself grow.

 

Michelle McMaster

The Peace of Mind Box

The Peace of Mind Box

When your is mind is full of trouble, and you need some healthy distractions, try a piece of mind box. For this tool, you’ll need a box. Wood, metal, plastic, any kind of box or even an porcelain piggy bank, even a paper pinatas . the piggy bank or pinatas could be used in extreme anxiety. and you could brake it open to release anger or the extreme feelings. a durable  box, however, last much longer. Decorate this box with your personality. make it your own. Will This have pictures, glitter, stones, or more? maybe paint words of love to yourself.

Next, write down, on different colors of paper, ideas of as many activities as you can possibly think of, such as: Singing, Dancing, Reading, Biking, Walking, etc… We have a few suggestions for you. further in this blog post.

The last step, cut out the paper and put the pieces into the box. In result, when you are bored, feeling low, or have unhealthy thoughts reach into the box, and you’ll have activities to keep your mind, body and soul, active and on the right track.

A few suggestions for your own Peace of Mind Box:

• Scribble on photos of people in magazines
• Viciously stab an orange
• Throw an apple/pair of socks against the wall
• Have a pillow fight with the wall
• Scream very loudly
• Tear apart newspapers, photos, or magazines
• Go to the gym, dance, exercise
• Listen to music and sing along loudly
• Draw a picture of what is making you angry
• Beat up a stuffed bear
• Pop bubble wrap
• Pop balloons
• Splatter paint
• Scribble on a piece of paper until the whole page is black
• Filling a piece of paper with drawing cross hatches
• Throw darts at a dartboard
• Go for a run/ walk
• Write your feelings on paper then rip it up.
• Build a fort of pillows and then destroy it
• Throw ice cubes at the bathtub wall, at a tree, etc
• Get something soft and pet it,
• Slash an empty plastic soda bottle or a piece of heavy cardboard.
• Make a soft cloth doll to represent the things you are angry at; cut and tear it instead of yourself
• Flatten  cans see how fast you can go.
• Cut and tear the picture
• Break sticks
• Cut up fruits
• Make yourself as comfortable as possible
• Stomp around in heavy shoes,
• Splash in puddles.
• Play handball or tennis.
• Yell at what you are breaking and tell it why you are angry,hurt, upset, etc.
• Buy a cheap plate and decorate it with markers, stickers, cut outs from magazines, words, images, what ever that expresses your pain and sadness and when you’re done, smash it. (Please be careful when doing this)
• The Glam Jar (Fill a mason jar or similar with colored water and glitter. When feeling upset or angry you can shake it to disturb the glitter and focus on that until the glitter settles.)

• Color your hair
• Count up to ten getting louder until you are screaming
• Sing on the karaoke machine
• Complete something you’ve been putting off
• Take up a new hobby
• Make a cup of tea
• Watch a funny comedian
• Play solitaire
• Count up to 500 or 1000
• Make as many words out of your full name as possible
• Count ceiling tiles or lights
• Search ridiculous things on the web
• Color coordinate your wardrobe categorize in blouses, Long sleeve, tank tops, dresses, and sweaters.
• Play with toys, such as a slinky, trucks, legos, or board games.
• Go to the park and play on the swings
• Call up an old friend
• Go “people watching”
• Do school work or make some up for yourself
• Play a musical instrument
• Watch TV or a movie
• Paint your nails
• Alphabetize your CDs or books DVD”S
• Cook a new recipe
• Make origami to occupy your hands
• Doodle on sheets of paper
• Dress up or try on old clothes
• Play computer games or painting programs, such as photoshop
• Write out lyrics to your favorite song
• Play a sport
• Read a book/magazine
• Do a crossword
• Draw a comic strip
• Make a chain link out of paper counting the hours or days you’ve been self harm free using pretty colored paper
• Knit, sew, or make a necklace
• Buy a plant and take care of it.
• Hunt for things on eBay or Amazon
• Browse the forums
• Go shopping
• Memorize a poem with meaning
• Learn to swear in another language
• Look up words in a dictionary
• Play hide-and-seek with your siblings
• Go outside and watch the clouds roll by
• Plan a party
• Find out if any concerts will be in your area You tube their music.
• Make your own dance routine
• Trace your hand on a piece of paper; on your thumb, write something you like to look at; on your index finger, write something you like to touch; on your middle finger, write your favorite scent; on your ring finger, write something you like the taste of; on your pinky finger, write something you like to listen to; on your palm, write something you like about yourself

 

• Go on YouTube google funny cats
• Make a scrapbook
• Color in a picture or book.
• Make a phone list of people you can call for support. Allow yourself to use it.
• Pay attention to your breathing (breath slowly, in through your nose and out through your mouth)
• Pay attention to the rhythmic motions of your body (walking, stretching, etc.)
• Choose a random object, like a paper clip, and try to list 30 different uses for it
• Pick a subject and research it on the web – alternatively, pick something to research and then keep clicking on links, trying to get as far away from the original topic as you can.
• Take a small step towards a goal you have.

 

Alternatives that are bizarre: At the least, you’ll have a laugh:

• Crawl on all fours and bark like a dog or another animal
• Run around outside screaming yayyyyyyyyyyyyy
• Laugh for no reason whatsoever
• Make funny faces in a mirror
• Put faces on apples, oranges, or other sorts of food
• Go to the zoo and name all of the animals
• Color on the walls
• Blow bubbles
• Pull weeds in the garden

Alternatives for when you’re feeling guilty, sad, or lonely: 

• Congratulate yourself on each minute you go without self harming
• Draw or paint
• Look at the sky
• Instead of punishing yourself by self harming, punish yourself by not self harming
• Call a friend and ask for company
• Buy a cuddly toy
• Watch a favorite TV show or movie
• Eat something ridiculously sweet
• Remember a happy moment and relive it for a while in your head
• Treat yourself to some chocolate
• Try to imagine the future and plan things you want to do
• Look at things that are special to you
• Compliment someone else
• Make sculptures
• Watch fish
• Let yourself cry
• Play with a pet
• Have or give a massage
• Imagine yourself living in a perfect home and describe it in your mind
• Read the bible or pray
• Light a candle and watch the flame (but please be careful)
• Allow yourself to cry; crying is a healthy release of emotion
• Carry tokens to remind you of peaceful comforting things/people
• Take a hot bath with bath oil or bubbles for; women take with out bubbles can cause an over growth of unhealthy bacteria by wiping out the good bacteria and letting the bad over take it.
• Curl up under a comforter with hot cocoa and a good book
• Make affirmation tapes inside you that are good, kind, gentle (Sometimes you can do this by writing down the negative thoughts and then physically re-writing them into positive messages)
• Make a tray of special treats and tuck yourself into bed with it and watch TV or read Alternatives for when you’re feeling panicky or scared: ◾“See, hear and feel”-5 things, then 4, then 3 and countdown to one which will make you focus on your surroundings and will calm you down
• Listen to soothing music; have a CD with motivational songs that you can listen to
• Hug a pillow or soft toy
• Hyper focus on a task
• Do a “reality check list” – write down all the things you can list about where you are now (e.g. It is the 9th November 2020, I’m in a room and everything is going to be alright)
• With permission, give someone a hug
• Drink herbal tea
• Hug a tree
• Go for a walk if it’s safe to do so
• Feel your pulse to prove you’re alive
• Go outside and attempt to catch butterflies, or lizards
• Put your feet firmly on the floor, barefoot.
• Accept where you are in the process. Beating yourself up, only makes it worse
• Touch something familiar/safe
• Leave the room sit in the sun
• Lay on your back in bed comfortably (eyes closed), and breathe in for 4, hold for 2, out for 4, hold for 2. Make sure to fill your belly up with air, not your chest. If your shoulders are going up, keep working on it. When you’re comfortable breathing, put your hand on your belly and rub up and down in time with your breathing. If your mind wanders to other things, move it back to focusing ONLY on the synchronized movement of your hand and breathing.
• Treat yourself nicely Remember that you don’t have to hurt yourself just because you’re thinking about self harm
• Create a safe place to acknowledge that self harm is harmful behavior: say “I want to hurt myself” rather than “I want to cut”
• Repeat to yourself “I don’t deserve to be hurt” even if you don’t believe it
• Get your friends to make you friendship bracelets: wear them around your wrists to remind you of them when you want to cut
• Be with other people
• Make a list of your positive character traits
• Put a band-aid on the area where you’d like to self harm
• Recognize and acknowledge the choices you have NOW
• Kiss the places you want to SH or kiss the places you have healing wounds. It can be a reminder that you care about oneself  and that you don’t want this
• Choose your way of thinking, try to resist following old thinking patterns
• The Butterfly project- draw a butterfly on the place(s) that you would self harm and if the butterfly fades without self-harming, it means it has lived and flown away, giving a sense of achievement. Whereas if you do self-harm with the butterfly there; you will have to wash it off. If that does happen, you can start again by drawing a new one on. You can name the butterfly after someone you love.
• Write the name of a loved one [a friend, family member, or anyone else who cares about you] and write their name where you want to self harm. When you go to self harm remember how much they care and wouldn’t want you to harm yourself.

think about what you would say to a friend who was struggling with the same things you are and try to be a good friend to yourself.

• Make a bracelet out duct tape, and put a line on it every day (Or any period of time) you go without self harm. When it’s full of lines, take it off and make a chain out of all the bracelets and hang it up somewhere where you can be reminded of your great progress. Alternatives that give the illusion of seeing something similar to blood:
• Give yourself a henna or fake tattoo
• Make “wounds” with makeup, like lipstick
• Take a small bottle of liquid red food coloring and warm it slightly by dropping it into a cup of hot water for a few minutes. Uncap the bottle and press its tip against the place you want to cut. Draw the bottle in a cutting motion while squeezing it slightly to let the food color trickle out. Draw on the areas you want to cut using ice that you’ve made by
• dropping six or seven drops of red food color into each of the ice-cube tray wells.
• Paint yourself with red tempera paint
• ‘Cut’ your skin with nail polish (it feels cold, but it’s hard to get off)
• Alternatives to help you sort through your feelings:
• Phone a friend and talk to them
• Make a collage of how you feel
• Identify what is hurting so bad that you need to express it in this way
• Write your feelings in a journal free writing (Write down whatever you’re thinking at that moment, even if it doesn’t make sense)
• Make lists of everything such as blessings in your life
• Make a notebook of song lyrics that you relate to
• Call a hotline
• Write a letter to someone telling them how you feel (but you don’t have to send it if you decide not to)
• Start a grateful journal where everyday you write down three: good things that happened/ things that you accomplished/ are grateful for/ made you smile. Make sure the journal is strictly for positive things. Then when you feel down you can go back and look at it.
• Alternatives to self harm. This will give you a sensation (other than pain) without harming yourself:
  • Hold ice in your hands, against your arm, or in your mouth
  • Run your hands under freezing cold water
  • Clap your hands until it stings
  • Wax your legs
  • Drink freezing cold water
  • Splash your face with cold water put Elmer’s glue on your hands then peel it off
  • Massage where you want to hurt yourself
  • Take a hot shower/bath
  • Jump up and down to get some sensation in your feet
  • Write or paint on yourself
  • Arm wrestle with a member of your family
  • Take a cold bath
  • Bite into a hot pepper or chew a piece of ginger root
  • Rub peppermint under your nose
  • Put Ice / hot on the places you want to cut. (icy hot, or Tiger balm is a muscle relaxant cream that induces a tingly sensation. You can find it in most health food stores and vitamin stores.) Alternatives that will distract you or take up time:
  • Say “I’ll self harm in fifteen minutes if I still want to” and keep going for periods of fifteen minutes until the urge fades

Michelle McMaster

Blessing beads

My jewlery has always been  important to me, rings necklaces I would ware not only were fashionable but made me feel as though I was protected. my tiger eye necklace I wore for years before it broke. Now I have personally empowered My wedding ring. It reminds me that I’m loved and that most importantly I know how to love. Not like the past. We can all grow and achieve this, but until we can love ourselves we will always struggle.

This is a wonderful way to fight addiction, cutting, or just negative thoughts. Wear a bracelet with smooth beads.
I like to use precious stones. My favorite stone is rose quartz, and tiger eye.
Rose Quarts is for self love; Tiger’s Eye is for strength; jade is for luck and money.
Every time you feel a negative energy, take the bracelet off, rub each stone, and think of your blessings.
It may be hard at first… but soon, you will be able to see all your blessings. remember them because life is about collecting good memories!

Michelle McMaster

Forgiveness…. Why?

Many of you couldn’t imagine forgiving an attacker. This takes time to do. You must first make peace with yourself; and come to terms with what has happened. Imagine yourself at a crossroad: In one direction is peace and happiness; the other is pain and hate. You cannot go both ways; so you must choose a path. To continue to hold on to pain and hate will; eventually; destroy you. It is like poison… the longer you harbor it; the more damage it creates in your personal life and your spiritual life; as well as being physically damaging to your body. Do not let the attacker win! Hanging on to the hate will control you. Your attacker could be a million miles away; and still be in control of you; should you choose the path of hatred. You do not have to forget! (that will never happen) ~but if you CAN forgive. If you choose the path of forgiveness; you WILL be much; much happier. Again: This takes time !! So don’t be disappointed if you cannot do this right away. Be patient with yourSELF! And remember, no one can force you to forgive, that’s just for you!!!

My personal path to forgiveness was long and bumpy.one day I thought I had forgiven and the next I was at square one. I even felt disappointed because I could not forgive. because I knew If I could forgive this would tell me I was very close to completing my healing. but I had to give it time. most importantly, I needed the time to have my anger.

Michelle McMaster

Write, right! With all your Might.

Expressing your self through art/writing was a very important part of my healing. All of the feelings I had I would put to poetry. Now; be careful: Don’t get in a rut just writing your ‘sad’ poetry. Try to write inspirational poems; or love poems… even if you are far from those feelings. It may feel weird at first; but soon you will feel happier. With art; choose happy pictures of peace and joy. Feel the joy when you paint or draw and let it transfer to the paper; and soon it will begin to transfer to your life.

This is a poem I wrote I did not feel this way at the time:

Coo as Me

Street lights are the stars tonight

breeze blows my hair just right

for ware ever I may go the only thing that shows

is my style my car and my mojo.

the rythem of my car sedates me

as I turn left

on Mortor State street.

the click click click of the arrow color teal

complement the tick tick tick of the keys on my steering wheal

green means go read means stop

as I cruse by my friends their jaws all drop

because my ride is the high ride as we all can see

too bad not everyone could be as

coo as me.

There is also free righting you just jot down all the words your feeling. words phrases anything that comes to mind. I used all f words felt harsh at the time.
In my journals I always try to collect the good memories for that’s what life is all about. If it’s a negative feeling I will put it in poetry. to hid the true meanings.
righting letters to your attacker, your self , family, friends, doc’s everyone can help you express your feelings in a safe and methodical way. these letters can be positive or negative, meaning you can wright thank you notes, or fuck you notes. just careful in sending the fuck you notes/ could get you into trouble. 3:)

Make a gratitude book. It’s a book of good in your life. If you must vent about the bad try to verbalize that, but only right things you want to remember or come true. this will be a book 30 years from now that you would like to read. my first journal I read now, and hate that it’s all bad! so I try to wright about good memories. It’s more fun to read!

this is another positive writing activity. Wright down all the people in your life and wright the positive aspects of them. even for you enemies! yes their list will be shorter but if you concentrate on the good you will see it more. Know some people do not deserve your time. But this exercise is for your healing not theirs!

Michelle McMaster

Carry a Mirror and Take Care of Yourself.

One can’t help or take care of anyone properly, if they can’t help themselves first. Make a plan, start a routine.  Take on less responsibilities, until better Circumstances. Remember, some people, or situations must wait until you can properly preform.   take care of ones appearance and hygiene.  Lastly, don’t give of yourself if you can’t afford it.

List your activities for your day and week. then start a routine. Grab a calendar and make a plan. wright all activities and than decide when to eat, shower, etc. Once your routine is consent anxiety can go down.

One must take brakes. If that means delegating some tasks to trusted people so be it. The body, will protect the heart first than the legs and hands. protect your self mentally With proper nutrition, sleep and healthy relationships, and activities. Every time one has a brake down, the brains pathways can change Making our fight or flight response go off when there is no need. Create a support system of family friends and doctors to lighten ones load.

look good to counter act a bad mood. I learned to carry a mirror. The mirror gave me a gauge through the day on how well I looked. At times the mirror made me feel more confident. however, the more I kept up with my appearance the more confidence grew. People respond in a more positive way when they not only see you look well, but also by ones tells. Like the card game poker, the way you feel can translate into ones own appearance and vice versa. Also smile? this will release small amounts of happy hormones.

How to start to take care of oneself.

Poor Oral health can kill, gingivitis, and other oral health diseases are contagious. Get in the routine Of brushing your teeth at night and in the morning. Flossing first, brush in and up and down motion, or even a small circle motion. Lastly, use mouth rinse. Rotten teeth an cause heart and lung problems. And don’t forget to brush your tongue harry tongue: Treatment/ tongue lozenges that are antibiotics. prevention: brush the tongue!

 

 

Shower at least once a day. The bacteria staph will live everywhere. in the dirt, and on your skin. washing prevents infection. Hygiene is Important. I was told by a hair stylist that washing ones hair can make the hair become too dry. in a perfect situation the body needs cleaned At least once a day, however hair can go every other day.

As my Drill Sargent Said, ” use a wash cloth not just your hands to wash your goat smellier. you’re not going to get flipping clean.”

Note: in the army the standard of hygiene are different for women and men.  The max days women are allowed to abstain from a shower are 3 days.  Men can go a month before chance of infection. Please know showering every day is recommended.

 

Please realize this: You can’t take care of someone if you can’t take care of yourself! This means if you are new to recovery; you need to ask questions; and try to listen to answers. Go ahead and give of yourself of what you can.  just know you may burn out faster until you have healed more.

Michelle McMaster

Who are your safe people?

Yes, It’s hard knowing who is safe. This takes time to know someone, and even if we think we know them they may not have the best intentions. Just like you, others are good at hiding their true self. So how do you know if they are safe?

Safe people are the ones that bring you up. complement you, encourage you to do what is right. People who won’t let you say anything negative about your self. These are your best cheerleaders!

Another sign of a safe person is that they tell us the truth kindly, and in a way we understand.

We may not have many good friends; they are hard to come by. However, they are out there, and one way to get them is to be a good friend your self. Be someone’s best cheerleader, and you can build each other up. Remember family is for life, doctors you can fire. However, friends one must work to keep. Even then, we can grow apart.

If this happens, don’t be sad. remember, that it happens and it will just open the door to new loving people. And above all, else. Learn the lessons people of our lives teach.
Once we list our safe people of doctors family and friend keep them close. This way you know who to share your feelings with, with out ridicule.

We also need this strong support system to help keep us from toxic people. what we are going through IS rough and instead of depending on one person spread your misery out, so that we ourselves don’t turn toxic.

This is were trained professionals, family, and friends come in. All can help you, just remember friends and family need to recharge too. list these people! Praise them and let them rest. And most of all you owe them to improve.

When you list you’re safe people write out their best qualities and what they can help you with the most.

Person, Quality, Helping quality.

Mom, strength , Mentor….. Etc.

Friend 1: Diva, relationships problems

friend 2: relentlessness, Fun Distractions

Doc 1: psychiatrist: Head Meds (and wow he’s cute) This helps me look at attractive people in the eye. 🙂

Doc 2: Primary care physician: For all referrals. Expect them to send you to specialist.

My Husband: motivator, battle buddy, the one that makes me shine so bright.

Once this is done and we identify the safe persons best helping quality. We can not only know were to go for help, but also who has the best quality to help for the situation.

Michelle McMaster

Why am I an Ass-Hat Magnet?

Do I have a flipping tattoo on my forehead? How do these weirdo’s find me? After an attack, one may find friendship and romance hard to navigate. I know for myself this was a huge, and yes dangerous problem. The attack not only left me incapable of loving myself, however, it was also too much for most my friends to handle. Both of my attacks sent my social circle running for the hills. Being left alone was so unbearable, that I began to become desperate for friendship. This left me vulnerable for those who seek us out to manipulate.

Narcissist love to take a victim’s non existent egos, inflate them, then Isolate and eventually control them. Why is it so easy for predators to do and hard for us to not fall into? I don’t believe the only answer is desperation from being lonely.

After an attack, we will develop an attitude about ourselves. This can affect everyone differently. However, for me, I was an intruder, burden, and failure. So what did I attract? A group of swatter heroin addicts, were the only one’s who gave me the time of day. I never touched that shit, yet I encouraged my new friends to all to become phlebotomists after successful injections. We were all injured people. This was the only attribute I could relate too. I for once after my attack felt normal around people, even healthy. When in all reality I was putting myself in danger.

After a few months of trying to fix them, while my own head was injured. They began to not appreciate my hopeful dreams of life for them. I was once more alone. My romantic relationships believe it or not were worse than my friendships. I couldn’t understand what my problem was until, a sociology class made it clear.

We as intelligent life have a vast array of solid opinions or schemas. these are like files on a computer. whether it is politics religion or our self perception. No one likes to be proven wrong. So if someone made me feel wanted, needed, or successful, I would become nervous, and a war of conflict would run through my head. No one likes to be proven wrong, even if the unwelcomed opinion is flattering.

I remember during this time I had curiosity in a drug that they had. This is when one of them looked me in the eye and said no. you have value, you have a life to live. I was shocked. honestly you could have told me I had a third eye and that would have been more believable to me. Soon after we all split apart. However, took me a decade to find my self confidence, and the value that, the poor soul had seen in me, before I could see this attribute in myself.

A tip to gain self confidence. No one can give you self confidence, you must earn it, and your judge is the hardest critic you will ever have. Yourself.

First step, research history for the most amazing people you admire. Find at least three people you can relate to and study them.

Who were they? _____________________________________________________________________________________________

What made them amazing? ________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

How can you be more like them?_________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

I know everyone says be yourself, however this is not the best advice for a new survivor. Study your heroes, emulate them and after a year or two you will have earned your own self respect.

The only way to find healthy friends and relationships is to have a true respect for yourself. Be kind to yourself while healing? You’re going to have mistakes and failures. They are only failures if you have learned nothing from the mistake. one learns more from failure than success.

The Downloads. How Regression Feels.

Denial.  The name of this game. Survivors, whom, experience the downloads or regressions, are in such shock at the moment of trauma. That our brains can’t compute the memory so it hides it.  Falsely giving one the feeling the trauma ever happened. basically,  your brain puts that memory in your spam box.

I remember a week after my fist attack. I had completely regressed the worst part of my attack. My family knew more had happened however, I searched my brain for the details, with no avail.  I literately tried to think but nothing happened. Till the mother of all downloads happened to me. I remember being at the top of the stairs in my parents home. the memories hit me like a title wave. pouring in like water in an empty vase. the memories not caring how overfilled I felt. I actually held on to the rail and fell to my knees.

If this happens to you stabilize yourself so you don’t fall. then Immediately breath in trough the nose and out through the mouth. This is a very emotional moment. And reactions may very. However the shock can knock us off our feet.

People witnessing this just be there and understand they may not want to talk. bring them a cold wash cloth. however, follow your survivors lead.

When this is over you may want to describe it in detail to your medical team. remember this is a normal reaction to an event that was abnormal. Be kind you yourself.

 

 

 

 

Bedtime story for survivors of rape.

This Cosmos.

Somewhere in the immense depth of this cosmos, a star explodes in a supernova.  Throwing out its massive potential energy, into the vast expanse of cosmos that it held in itself for long inside its massive burning core. The energy that the star throws out at supernova is considered to be more than the total energy combined of all the stars in our galaxy.  WHAT DO WE LEARN FROM IT ?? You are like that star in the sky  with a tremendous amount of strong potential energy trapped in you. It only came out from you because your hard past and your struggles of past finally forced you to explode. Throwing out the energy in you!  You have always spent 99.99% time of your life blaming yourself as a victim.  Now for this 0.1% time Think about it in my way  would you be here helping so many people with your voice today if you wouldn’t have faced that past?  Yes your past might have given you scars but you also can never deny this fact that you wouldn’t have been the same wonderful person if there were no scars.  Today you are making a change speaking for others and in fact it was always in you  you are extremely strong  because every single matter in your body has come from the core of these massive stars , they exploded and died but they have given their potential parts in you.  THE POWER OF THESE DESTRUCTIVE STARS ARE IN YOU  GUIDING YOU TO A NEW ERA  A NEW ERA OF JUSTICE AND POWER!  Today you have nothing to be afraid of because you are that power source which is unstoppable  you are not a victim you are a survivor  the brightest star in the sky you are the pole star which has shown the direction to many others!  DON’T BE A VICTIM BE A STAR!

By: Victor Chakraborty

Your Past was the Fule

Your past was the fuel, that helped you decorate a wonderful present and future for yourself.  Life depends on your perception towards it. Live everyday as if it is the last day of your life and you need to enjoy this last day at its fullest and fulfill all your wishes. Thinking about complexities of life will only drag you more deep into it.  Let’s be honest , friends no one will ever come alive from this game of life  so why not let’s do some dance and enjoy the moments we are alive ?  With every passing seconds your losing one chance to enjoy your life so don’t waste any moment. Don’t enjoy the drizzle outside watching it from your bedroom window, just go out there and enjoy the rain  that is what this life wants.  Follow your heart and always cherish the little child inside you. That little child always wants to enjoy but we have shut her down in the complexities of life so open her up let the child come out Dance in the rain sing in sun cook for fun and laugh and run  You have got one chance to live and honestly minutes are finite in this life  so please don’t let your PAST ruin your NOW and your FUTURE  have a good life. Everyone  take care!

 

By: Victor Chakraborty

 

You’re a Survivor!

You are a survivor  you survived the darkness to stand at the peak of self respect today . Someone tried to destroy you but see They failed. Right here, right now its you today standing out here alone and look at your victory yourself.  you surviving and you have won because you never gave up in your life . The one who should be ashamed off are those person who judged you who tried to destroy you, however, they failed because you are still that person who still laughs rolling on the floor watching your favorite comedy movie,  you are still that young person who loves to eat their favorite foods. You are still that young person who looks in the mirror and find themselves still more beautiful everyday  No one can ever break a your courage and determination.  You are the one who is the source of tremendous power  you are the one who can be described as the “beauty and the beast” because it all lies in you still  You still have that spark that presence and that glory which makes you,an inspiration. You are the survivor  YOU ARE THAT SURVIVOR WHO STANDS AT THE PEAK OF THE MOUNTAIN AND LOOKS DOWN ON THOSE WHO FAILED TO DESTROY YOU.  THEIR FAILURES WILL BURN THEM, AND YOU WILL STAND ON THE PEAK OF THE MOUNTAIN BECAUSE YOU WON THIS!  YOU DESERVE THE RESPECT THAT WE GIVE TO YOU  BECAUSE YOU ARE PERSON YOU ARE A SURVIVOR A PROUD SURVIVOR! 

By: Victor Chakraborty

Look Around Yourself.

 

Look around yourself, every part of the nature has something that you can learn for your life. A tree, teaches you to stand through all the changing spheres of life good bad and everything, he stands through the storms strong he bends but he never breaks . The Sun teaches you to follow your tracks of life no matter how hard the situation is. no matter how much cloud of darkness and depression has covered your life. you still have to follow on  because ultimately in the end the sun will rise again, and so you will also rise again through all darkness . The wind teaches you to be stronger and blow even through all the hurdles of life  In this world our life goes through those phases where presence of a few people in our life can break you away but take inspiration from the wind that time  he never stops no matter how much he is covered with  No matter how strong object blocks his way he still blows . You are beautiful you are a survivor you are the gift of this nature who makes this world beautiful  like the fragrance of the flower in a garden. Remember be like the tree if a tree can stand tall through all the storms so can you do it too  . Its always ok to bend sometimes but breaking is not an option especially for you 

By: Victor Chakraborty

 

 

We are alive!

We are alive! even though some days were extremely hard but we made it through. So much about our life depends upon the way we take it.  I know there are pains I know there are moments that makes you cry, that makes you to just bend on you knees hide your face and cry hysterically. But most importantly through all of those days we learn something we learn experience that helps us to wipe someone Else’s eyes when we see them at the same position . Life is not that hard if we just learn to take our bad days as a part of our lessons of life . I know you had a very bad past and I will never compare that to anyone  I know you cried a lot many times maybe even thought of giving up but through all of it you survived  because you were meant to experience some hard days so that you can be a teacher to million others. Today with your own experience of life you are filling a million more people a smile of hope in their face you are wiping their eyes . Isn’t that extremely beautiful? You are a teacher who is so wonderful that you are helping so many people to survive today . I know lovely people life is hard but since we are here together lets dance and make it large . So that the coming generation will remember us and our teachings forever  they will take inspirations from our lives and hence we will be alive forever.   you are special  remember it forever!

By: Victor Chakraborty

Alone

Often in our lives we come to this position when we feel like we are alone. Mostly it is our own perception that makes you feel like that.  We always want ourselves to be in that position where we never feel this loneliness, However this loneliness also makes you stronger, and gives you more time to love yourself and gain a better insight about yourself.  Life is beautiful but most beautiful is you because you are a part of the system of the world,  and your presence makes this world beautiful!  Love yourself you are special you are unique and you are that girl who makes a man’s heart beat . You deserve the moments of happiness in your life and you deserve to wipe your eyes because your tears doesn’t suits on your eyes well . There will be those moments there will be those people who will never be able to treat you with respect but you being a women is a model of respect and pride. Never put yourself down for the scars you have maybe in your heart or in your arms, It doesn’t matter because these scars are the signs that how long you have fought in this battle  and won it to be here  be proud to be a survivor  be proud that you are special  don’t let anyone treat you less than what you deserve

By: Victor Chakraborty

 

Birds

We always come across the birds, Some of them even comes from the different part of the world and will return back there again with the end of the certain periods, However what remains forever with us is the wonderful few seconds when we get the chance to see them . We never know if she will return again maybe we will never be able to see her again all our life but what we do have is the moments of our memory with them… Life is similar to this, We come across people in our lives who gives us a few moments that we rejoice forever even if those moments were for a very small part of our life . Sometimes they deliberately comes so close to touch our hearts that we want them to be in our lives forever but most times they have to leave and when they leave, They leave us with this question of will we ever see them again?? In our life we made promises several times to stay on with someone but we realized that wheels of life took them far away from us  We lost people in our lives sometimes we lost those people whom we can never in our heart thought they will leave  But through all of these we do have to remember even if they have went far far away and even if we will never be able to see them again but they have left us with wonderful memories that will stay alive forever  and when you will think of those memories smiles will come to your heart because you know you were lucky enough to be a part of those memories. There will come those moments when their image will slowly fade away in your mind you wont be able to recognize their face in your mind but you will always remember the unforgettable moments.  People come in our lives because they have to go stay forever in our hearts .

By: Victor Chakraborty